Hair Metal

"Hello, boys!  I'm baaack!!"

-Randy Quaid, Independence Day

It's been a while since my last post.  My bad, I got distracted.  Hopefully you survived without my efforts to save you from you own terrible taste in music.  Anyway...

Hair Metal is the worst excuse for metal I have ever heard.  It's taking one of the manliest things ever and putting makeup on it and dressing it in leopard-print tights.  It's like making the stripes on the American Flag pink.  It's like taking a lumberjack and putting a long blonde wig and some eyeliner on him.  Instead of lyrics about smashing people's faces, hair metal gives us songs about smashing your own face into a mound of coke.  If you like that shit, you're a bitch.  

Also, hair metal was a big part of the 80s, and serves to remind people of the 80s to this very day.  The only good thing to come out of the 80s was good cartoons and ME, so fuck that decade.  

I also can't stand the cheesy music.  Granted, some of it took talent to write, but come on!  The Final Countdown??  People try to defend it by saying its epic.  EPIC?  Finnish Viking Metal band TURISAS is epic.  Unfortunately for Europe (the band that wrote The Final Countdown) badass band Norther came in and redid the song as it should have been, exposing Europe as the fuck-ups they are for not doing it first.  

Not surprisingly, I hate the style of the people who play the music just as much as the music itself, if not more.  You know what I'm talking about.  Another rule: If you are fucking lame, you have the potential to ruin your own music.  And you usually do.  

I'm sick of talking about this genre already.  It disgusts me.  If you listen to this garbage, knock it off.